C-Section Part 1

I have issues. I have major issues about the c-section!
Excuse me while I vent... (possibly TMI, too much information. Feel free to NOT read any further)

Leila was an induced (at 41 weeks) vaginal birth. Liam ended up being a c-section (stalled at 2cm, sent for c-seciton due to 'failure to progress', turns out his head was crooked in the birth canal). Having had Leila vaginally, I fully expected Liam to come that way also. It didn't cross my mind much (if at all) the possibility of requiring a c-section. THAT is my fault. I know that no birth ever goes as planned and to expect anything...but I didn't! I did not, in my wildest dreams, expect a c-section. When, after 8 hours of steady labor and strong contractions (as measured by some device they stuck up my hoo-ha), my doctor went in to see if I'd progressed I knew it wasn't good news as soon as I saw her face. I immediately asked what our options were, if we could wait, what she suggested, etc. Within seconds, I was freaking out! It seems like a blur them shaving me, me signing stuff, putting a hair net thing on, Josh getting in scrubs, rolling down the hallway...
Next thing I know, I'm in an operating room. I jokingly comment about how it's not all dark and stainless steel and cold looking like the TV shows make it seem. Josh couldn't come in yet - they had to get me on the table and stick my back (the part I was, at that point, most dreading!). I sat there for what seemed like an eternity. Then I got to lay down with instructions to keep my hands on this side of the curtain and to let them know if I felt nauseus, a common side effect of the spinal. I did. That was awful - dry heaving! Poor Josh walked in right in the thick of it and got to hold the little kidney bean shaped puke catcher! lol
By this time, I just wanted it to hurry up and be over with. Get Liam out, sew me back up and get me the heck out of there! As neat as not feeling half my body was, I HATED IT! It seemed like 2 minutes from the time Josh came in to the time Liam came out sneezing. Yes, his first noise in the world was not a cry, it was a sneeze! haha Then it seemed like an ETERNITY for them to put me back together. (I throw up a little in my mouth just thinking about me being opened up like a slaughtered pig!)
Then, Josh, Liam and I were off to recovery where we stayed until I could lift my knees - like 2 hours. Josh's mom had no idea what had happened, what was going on...and neither did Leila! Then, I moved beds (THAT was HELL!) and was rolled back to the L&D room to gather my belongings and family. Then it was off to the mother's ward for the rest of my stay.
I feel terrible that Liam spent most of his first few days in the hospital nursery because I couldn't move to get him out of the bassinet. They brought him to me to nurse and that was about all I could do.
I hated  being alone in that hospital. Up at all sorts of odd hours. Unable to sleep comfortably without being in pain. I LOVED when Josh and Leila came to visit me and hated when they left! Liam was born at 3:19pm on July 2nd, 2009 and I left the hospital around noon on the 4th of July. A short hospital stay compared to most c-sections but I wanted the heck out of there - I wanted to go home!
With drugs in hand, I went home. But with weeks of family visiting, I wouldn't get much rest. With all the visitors and nursing almost non-stop, I didn't get much of a break. This made recovery terrible. I didn't remove the tape that kept my incision shut - wasn't told to. I didn't touch or even look at it for WEEKS! A few days after I was home, it started bleeding, kinda bad! I FLIPPED OUT and called everyone - L&D, my doc on call. I was told to remove the tape and pack it with gauze to keep it from bleeding. BLEH!! I sat in the bathroom and cried for 30 minutes at the thought of what I had to do - touch it! But I did, through all the tears. Fortunately, I had a first aid kit with some gauze (went to the store later and got more).
Ok, enough for now....will continue later...off to bed! I think I've dug up enough terrible memories for a handful of nightmares tonight...