Work in Progress

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. - Anias Nin

This quote got me thinking.
The subtitle of my blog is "random blabberings of a work in progress". I'm glad I understand and in some strange way embrace the fact that we are all, myself especially, works in progress. We are every changing, ever growing, ever learning people. I like that. It is for that reason people gain and lose friends. We gain friends we never thought we'd have due to our differences and we lose friends we had everything in common with all because of the process of becoming who we are.

But then, I suppose, we're never any ONE person. We change our minds depending on what new information we learn, what new experiences we have, what new perspectives we see things from. We are not the same person now as we were at any other point in our lives. That is a crazy thought. Every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year that goes by we have traveled through various states of being all leading up to who we are now. And who we are now is just a step along the way of who we'll be tomorrow. And it goes on and on.

Many times in my life I've fallen into that place of perfect contentment - I was happy with myself and where I was in life. I felt strong and confident in who I was, what I believed, how I acted/reacted, my work ethic, etc. But like Anias Nin said, that is sort of a death trap. And looking back, I can see it now. I didn't want to change. I didn't feel I had to. And that stubbornness kept me from the possibilities of everything else out there. I didn't read books. I, a usually open-minded person, became very closed-minded, not wanting anything to alter my state of being. That is not a good place to be, although it may seem like it at the time.

I like to read books about people soul searching and find myself relating to many of them. I'm about halfway through Blue Like Jazz and have related to almost every single person in the book on some level. I like learning about different topics in business and government. Business Ethics excites me. Business organization, or Organizational Behavior, is my current class and I absolutely LOVE it. I LOVE history and have spent hours reading through president's speeches. I could stare at a map for days - taking it all in, memorizing it, learning it, laughing at the names of some towns! haha I wish I knew Latin and hope to someday learn it. Meteorology - my passion right now!

I think I'm talked about this before - mile wide, inch deep vs inch wide, mile deep.
Mile wide, inch deep: Someone who knows about a lot of things but only knows a little bit about them.
Inch wide, mile deep: Someone who knows about few things but know A LOT about them.

Josh asked me one night what I thought I was. I explained that I'm a mile wide, mile deep kind of person! I want to know everything about everything. Knowing that is next to impossible I guess I'd be a Mile Wide, Inch Deep person. I know about a lot of things, topics, subjects, etc. But I don't know everything about each of those things. I know enough to converse about them and draw my own conclusions about them but not enough to teach a class on it! haha But what I do know about, I KNOW about! haha
So really, Mile Wide and Grand Canyon Deep - how about that? Some deep parts, some shallow parts? lol

Anyhoo, back to the original quote - work in progress.
I always keep that in mind when in the middle of a disagreement with people. Just because we disagree one day, doesn't mean we will the next. This is why people say to "sleep on it". Allow your brain to soak it all in and look at it from different perspectives. But even when people lash out without thinking, we have to understand that it was a lash out without thought and forgive/forget about it. We've all done it. We all DO it. We can't possible sleep on EVERYTHING. But we don't always have to have something to say. The first interpretation of something isn't always the way it was intended. If you go into something in a bad mood and mean and pessimistic, thinking everything is attacking you, then you'll likely interpret it that way. If you go toward something optimistically with a smile on your face you'll be more likely to see the beauty and truly intended meaning of things.

I've had a few of these moments. I selfishly assumed someone's vague facebook comment was directed at me and got upset. Then I realized a few things.
First, so what if it was. Only cowards throw backhanded indirect swings at people. Their thoughts really don't matter anyway. A true, mature friend would talk to me about it if they had issue. So, it's a cowardly statement from a non-friend.
Second, what makes me think I'm so special that this person with all of the other crap going on in their life would take issue with ME? I don't even really know this person all that well, their friends, their life, their family, etc. So why would they be choosing to pick on ME out of everyone else?
Am I that insecure that I think everyone is out to get me, talking about me, etc?

So, after a few minutes steaming over the comment that was likely NOT directed in any way at me, I moved on. I'm over it. If it was or wasn't has absolutely no bearing on my happiness or my feelings toward them. They can secretly despise me if they want to but I will remain friendly because that is just who I am. Well, who I am right now anyway. That could change tomorrow... :)

I don't think that person reads this blog. Heck, most of my friends don't even know this thing exists. But in case she does or any of you think I'm talking about you in the above situation - I'm not! :)
Well, I am talking about one of my facebook friends but does it really matter? Would knowing if it were you or not change you attitude? If you answered yes then I feel sorry for you. Depending on someone else to determine your attitude, your happiness, your mood...no bueno!
That's my point - we control ourselves. We control who we are, what we'll learn, how much we will let certain situations affect us and who we become as a result of them. We control our own happiness!

So, CONTROL IT and stop letting others do it for you! Stop letting others dictate your life!
Flow through the process of becoming who you were meant to be and while you're doing it, why not be happy about it! :)